As a culture, we fear death, even though we’re all going to die. Other animals don’t have this fear. Because we don’t deal with this fear openly, Health Directives do not get written and the important end of life conversations do not occur. It’s a mystery, but when we walk in the direction of our fear and face it, our fear lessens. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “God will not have his work made manifest by cowards.”

Why Immortality is Overrated – JOHN HENNING SCHUMANN

I have great respect for Dr. Timothy Quill. For many years, he has been dealing openly with end of life issues as a palliative care doctor. I met Dr. Quill at the recent and first national conference on VSED held at Seattle University this past October. He gave one of the keynote addresses.

This is an interesting comparison between Physician Assisted Death and VSED. A 60 year old man was unable to access PAD because of it was not allowed in New York. He chose to VSED instead even though he wanted PAD because of his inability to have complete rights to his end of life choices.

http://www.annfammed.org/content/13/5/408.full

Dr. Timothy Quill wrote the Foreword to my upcoming book, “Choosing To Die.” It will be released  on Amazon about April 9, 2107. I share my husband’s and my personal journey that led him to VSED rather than live into the

This excellent article educates us about palliative care. This field only began to flourish since 2007. Many people are not aware of palliative care. It needs to be an option for anyone with serious illness.

How many of us spend our lives living consciously, always aware of our emotions and reactions? I don’t know anyone! This may sound bold, but I believe that honesty is the best policy. When we encounter a person who is sick, and we know they are getting worse, I believe it’s important to be open and discuss what is really going on. Do relationships have to be healed? Are there past events that need to be reviewed? How does the sick person feel about their life winding down and then dying? The questions are countless.

I have been privileged to be at the bedside of both my mother and my husband when they died. They are the two people I’ve been the closest to in my life. I was 54 when my mother’s life was declining. Although we talked about a lot of things, I still wasn’t comfortable enough yet with end of issues to ask her poignant questions and help her come to terms with her own death. Nevertheless, she had a beautiful death and she said she wasn’t afraid of dying. By the time my husband got Alzheimer’s and cancer and then decided to go through the VSED process, I had grown a lot emotionally. We talked about everything. We were able to review our life together. There was nothing that still needed to be said by the time he started to VSED. He was able to discuss his fears, and how he resolved him. I did not want to share my personal grief with him, but I did want to share my gratitude. Nothing was left unsaid.

Dealing with our loved ones when they are terminally ill is challenging. Dealing with our grief and the grief of those who are sick is also challenging. By having open conversations with family, loved ones and those who are ill, the grief process can be processed easier. Saying goodbye to a loved one is difficult but with community support it can be possible to peacefully move forward in our lives. This is an article that explains grief step by step and shows how dealing with the pain of losing a loved one can be alleviated during their life and after they pass away. The biggest thing is to have support.

If you do not have support there are many resources and there is a contact me form if you ever have questions regarding end of life choices or VSED.

http://dementiatoday.com/five-stages-grief/

McLean: Make end of life options real with palliative care

California has been the leading state for legal end of life options, just recently passing the End of Life Option Act. End of life options don’t end with the aid-in-dying medication that is available to terminally ill patients. Palliative care’s mission is to help people who are terminally ill have the best quality of life and death possible. Having the right to die how you wish is a right just like any other. Palliative care options for people are just as important in the End of Life Option Act that California just passed.

[pullquote]The integrity of the physician-patient relationship is deeply rooted in our trust that physicians will work toward our health and well-being and that, when cure is no longer possible, they will accompany us in the dying process, providing comfort and relieving our pain through aggressive palliative care and the opportunity for hospice care.[/pullquote]

Honing the Emerging Right to Stop Eating and Drinking

This article is worth reading. Norman Cantor is a Harvard Professor. He was one of our speakers at the first national conference on VSED that was held at Seattle University in October 2016. The audience was grateful for the overview of perspectives in the medical, legal, family and ethical arenas regarding VSED.

Before my husband made his decision to VSED, I did legal research and learned that VSED is a legal option. 

In this article one of the things Mr. Cantor touches on is the topic of suicide and whether VSED is suicide. When I write and talk about VSED, I always make a distinction between VSED and suicide. When people asked if my husband was committing suicide when he decided to VSED, rather than live into the late stages of Alzheimer’s disease, we didn’t respond or get caught up in what others were saying. It wasn’t an issue for us. What mattered to us was that Alan be able to have a good death, a conscious death, on his terms, and not have to endure the indignities of late stage Alzheimer’s. 

Regardless of societal definitions, there is an important distinction to make between suicide and my husband’s choice. Our words matter. Suicide is saying “No” to life. Suicide is violent and outside the natural order. It’s an emotional decision and perception and usually done with emotional imbalance. It hurts one’s self and others, and has to be done secretively. My husband’s choice to VSED was about self-love, peace and compassion. He consulted with his loved ones as part of his decision making process. He was grateful for the good life he had and he honored life up to his last breath.

Alan and Phyllis – This is one of the many magic/storytelling shows that we performed together

Mr. Cantor, in his professorial role, will dissect all perspectives, and this is good. In the meantime, we’re fortunate that VSED, with proper medical and caregiving support, can be a dignified way to die in the face of horrible degenerative disease.